confusion in the simplest state

Have you ever noticed that Christians pray selfish prayers? We're so funny when it comes down to it. "God, please heal my mothers cancer." "God I really want this job" "God, help our house to sell" but then we end it off with a simple phrase that makes it sound like we're not really as bad as we sound... "if it be Your will."

The reason I mention this, is because I have found myself praying these prayers a lot lately. When Jordan and I started looking for a place to move to, everyone kept asking me if I had been praying about it. And, honestly, I would answer yes. However, my prayers where selfish prayers. "Lord, please let this next place be the one. Jordan and I really need a place to live and this place seems perfect. I pray that all the paperwork will go through and the time frame is what we need.... if it be Your will."

But then suddenly, when the ICY opportunity was brought to my attention, I found myself praying a different type of prayer. "Lord, show me which way to go. If this is Your plan for me, God, open doors and shut the others." Slowly, over just this last week, I've seen some doors close and many others open. The ICY doors were open from the first day, however I was terrified to step through them. I had to cling to the faith that this was where God was leading me. A couple of days ago, I started filling out the application, and strangely enough I'm already almost done. The questions (which were actually pretty difficult) seemed to be fairly easy to answer. However, that isn't all.

All the while, Jordan and I were still looking for apartments. We wanted so badly to get out on our own and live in our own place that we were pushing the idea even when the doors all around us were closing. Then tonight, Jordan and I finally talked about the fact that we didn't see this happening. After a long discussion and a few other plans on what to do next (not that there was much to discuss, considering her only other option is to move back home, and my other option was to move to Texas), we decided to let go of the moving out idea for now.

Then I started thinking, why would God be shutting this door for me? Well, what about ICY? I wasn't planning on going for another year, but what if I were to put my application in now? What if God was wanting me overseas sooner then in a year? And what do I do until then? Now that's confusion in the simplest state...